highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
