he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
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