Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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