I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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