I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
