so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
