Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
