4 words: hood of his car
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
