i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
