Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My dick has a subreddit
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
