she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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