in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
