it wasn't lemon gatorade
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
