she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize