i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
