idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
