if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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