That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
