Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
