Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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