walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
