YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
