i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
