So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
