I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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