He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
