I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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