yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
