this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
