I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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