her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize