you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
