She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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