Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
