i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
