Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
