I wanna passion pit in your ass
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
