just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
