I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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