I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
