He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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