Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
