I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Crop dusting thru forever 21
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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