i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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