We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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