I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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