I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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