I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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