Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
