so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
