I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
