I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
