I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
