So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
