my vag is so smooth its legendary
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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