I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
