grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
