Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
