i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
