He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
