what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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