Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
