Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
