I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
