I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
