So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
my poor anus
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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