Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
