I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
everyone is single if you try hard enough
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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