I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
