Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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