The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
