About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
