im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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