Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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