I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
